winter slump, spring awakening

sunrise:  6:36

This is what our Maine world looks like at the advent of spring.

It's funny though...the snow can't hide the fact that spring is in the air.  The light is broader, brighter.  Birdsong is growing in strength and enthusiasm.  I watched a pair of downy woodpeckers locked in a twirling coupling yesterday (talk about a quickie!).  There is a general softening of the atmosphere, snow notwithstanding.

It's a good thing too.  I have slogged through a month in a serious slump (sounds a bit like a Dr. Seuss predicament).  Why is it that I sometimes lose all inspiration to do anything - cook, create, write, innovate, initiate, move, exercise, accomplish, get out of bed...?  And then that judging voice kicks in with disdain, reminding me that I have no excuse to be melancholy or idle.

Maybe what's missing is that thing people call a muse, but it's really something everyone has, not just artists.  It's that spark that ignites our enthusiasm, the twinkle in our eye, the angel on our shoulder, the glowing ember in our soul, pixie dust.  But sometimes it is muffled, snuffed out, or just gone on vacation.

As usual, my canine companions are always helpful in pulling me out of the mire, given the opportunity.  They are heavily featured in today's post, enjoying the snow with their usual abandon.

There is NEWS!  First, I thought I'd link my little pool of readers to some of what I've been up to in print.  I am well over 100 columns for the Bangor Daily News now, and it has been very gratifying work, even though it's occasionally a chore to get the job done.  Here is my web page for the (paper:  http://bangordailynews.com/author/robin-clifford-wood/)

Second - Our year with Aqsa, our teenaged "daughter" from Pakistan, has gone through multiple evolutions.  Like everything truly worthwhile, it's not always easy, but the vastly predominant overall picture is pretty great.  It will be an unforgettable year.  Here's a column update about that: http://bangordailynews.com/2013/03/05/living/more-tales-of-a-pakistani-teenager-in-maine/

Third - part of the improving picture at home is the growing friendship between Aqsa and our youngest daughter, who rejoined the household in November for a rather undefined period of transition.  T's future is now appearing with greater clarity, since she has decided to accept the offer of admission from Tulane.  It's strange to ponder next fall now, when we will be readjusting back to the empty nest again!

Fourth - I'm going back to school too!  I have been accepted into Stonecoast's low-residency MFA program in creative writing in southern Maine.  My attachment to Maine and Maine's creative people has expanded enormously over the last few years, and I am so excited to be continuing my explorations into the literary world right here in my home state.  One of my great hopes is that the discipline, instruction, networking, and support of the program will give me the nudge I need to finish Rachel Field's story and start in on a few other book projects that have been circling langorously in my brain for years, searching for a place to land.

My first 10 day residency starts in July, but I'll have work to do between now and then, and I plan to keep up the column, at least every other week.

So - time to spring forward!  Crack open the dull shell of hibernation and embrace the muse!  Snow or no snow, it's time for a little rebirth.

Maine, Florida winter scenes

On both February 25th and 26th, 2013, I went out walking to photograph the world at dawn.  The differences between the two mornings were many, beginning with 45 degrees in temperature and 1,800 miles in distance.

Here are some photos in contrast between central Maine and Key Largo, Florida, along with my musings of the moment.

....................................

Feb. 25th

A lot of people make the journey from winter's grip to southern climes regularly, but I haven't experienced it often enough to do it without a little sense of wonder.  

I love winter.  I love that fresh cold bite on my cheeks and the energizing impetus to stride briskly in order to generate warmth.  the dogs manifest a similar exuberance to mine, though my middle-aged body can't perform with quite the same acrobatic energy as theirs.

Still, the prospect of taking a break from freezing temperatures and a lukewarm sun is tantalizing.  W're off to spend three nights with my parents in Key Largo - the farthest south I've ever been in Florida.

This lovely snow will still be here when I get back...

Feb 26th

Twenty-four hours later, here I am walking in shorts and a tank top at 7am.  My winter-dried skin is basking in the replenishing moisture of humidity.  I've see a pelican, an egret, and a couple of perky little redheaded woodpeckers - and of course a lot of flowers and palm trees.

There is no doubt that this weather elicits greater relaxation, less guarded self-protection from the elements, greater receptivity to the bathing breezes.  It is lovely to reintroduce my skin to the open air.  

Either way, it's a beautiful world.

pink and white morning, plus two more

sunrise 7:12

Happy New Year to all sunrise watchers.

I awoke this morning during that period of pre-dawn light which I have come to love.  There is enough light to see everything around you, but not quite enough for color.  I love to get up and clamber my way through the lengthy ritual of winter layering in the reduced sensory atmosphere of monochromatic illumination.

It was a lovely, pink and white winter dawn.  We have enjoyed a couple of weeks of consistent cold and one or two new installments of snow dusting, so the skiing and snowshoeing remains perfect in the back fields.

Another thing I love about this season is the visible signs of passage on snow.  Not only do I see the signs of bird hopping and deer and rodent trails, I can also see the signs of human travel.  My two sisters and a brother-in-law made a spontaneous trip to spend New Year's with us, and our ski tracks are still out there to remind me of that wonderful visit.

The holidays were wonderful, family packed, and busy, but I'm ready to get back to business.  I have a couple of resolutions to tackle, and I'm ready to get started.

But I felt a little twinge of longing to visit this blog.  I actually saw two December mornings with the intention of posting, but life got in the way.  So I leave you with a plethora of back yard photos this morning - from today, December 30th after the first snow, and December 22nd, just before the snow.

May you all enjoy a sense of new beginnings, no matter where you are in the world or in your life -

December 30th --- (perhaps a bit beyond dawn, but the morning light on that glorious day was irresistible)

Clara with a dog cousin...

Dec. 22nd - last day of ice perfection before the snow blanket arrived.  We had a 3 hour, 5 on 5 hockey game that day, with our Pakistani exchange student in the goal.  Another first, for sure.

Guster was leashed to keep his bark away from sleeping guests.  Clara discovered what fun it is to play with Guster on a rope ---

coping with darkness within and without

sunrise:  7:07

Good news.  The earliest sunsets, the earliest darknesses of the year have already passed.  From now until June, the sun will stay with us a tiny bit later every evening.

The latest sunrise is still couple of weeks away, but in just a few days, the net daylight receipts will begin to rise.

More than in any prior pre-winter stretch of days, I've found myself seeing the slant of the sun.  There are so many things that I have seen through new eyes this year, due to the presence of this teenage exchange student from Pakistan whose life experience has been so removed from what we know, before she came here.

It's not just cultural and climatological differences, it's also just a generally sheltered life.  There are a lot of things that Q just never wondered about before.  This is a very intelligent girl, with a pretty good education (mostly in English) in one of Pakistan's better schools, from what we can glean.  But then there are these gaps in her knowledge where her reasoning is replaced by childish naivete, or what I might call magical thinking.  J and I delicately encourage her to think, treading carefully around faith and belief.  It is an interesting twist on the usual emergence of adult perspective through that revelatory life stage called adolescence.

In any case, as I explained the darker days of winter to Q, and how the sun was lower ALL day (it doesn't just follow the same sky path more quickly), I began to notice it myself.  On these longest days, the sun gives us that exquisite low-angled light for much longer stretches of time as it lingers low along the horizon.  Not so exquisite when it's in your face on the highway, but dazzling if you're just looking at the world.

***

I want to share one more thought before I sign off today.

We shed some tears yesterday over the devasted families of Conncticut, who have just seen such nightmarish, heart-crushing violence done to their little ones and others.

There is such anguish and suffering in the world, and it can seem especially unthinkable when it manifests itself at this supposedly delightful, celebratory time of year.  There is a reason why ancient peoples established so many celebrations of light during this darkest time in our calendar year.  At the best of times, humans suffer and struggle.  In darkness and isolation we suffer more.  This time of year is more of a reaching and striving time than a basking in the glow time.  It's hard work to live these lives; it's not easy for anyone.

It is the mistaken idea that everyone else is bursting with joy that often drives people to a breaking point.  We are supposed to be joyful, life is supposed to be filled with love and gratitude, so if we're not, our lives must be broken.  Not so.  We are all struggling together.

This shouldn't be a downer - it is a shared reality.  Perhaps with that acknowledgement, we can more readily open the doors of our hearts to the joy, beauty, love, and great gifts of the world.  Invite all those wonderful things into the house, knowing that they arrive with baggage.  Set those bags in a corner for now, over there with everyone's else's bags.  We'll deal with those all in good time.  For now, sit down, have a drink, take my hand.

Find a smile for this day.  Offer it to someone you love.  Offer it to a stranger.  Offer it to the great wide sky over your head.  And don't forget one for the mirror.

holidays with family - the work and rewards

sunrise:  6:47

I delivered the last of our traveling children to the airport at 5am this morning.  Thanksgiving comes and goes so fast, especially when so many of your favorite people in the world come and go along with the holiday weekend.

The reassembly of a loving family for the holidays is like throwing a bunch of colorful ingredients into a food processor and turning it on high, with the top off.  It is very exciting and might be quite beautiful if you don't mind cleaning up the mess afterward.

We had a few messes over the last few days, but the overwhelming takeaway is that everyone works very hard together over the cleanup.

As long as we continue to hold this great depth of dedication and love that will not falter, as long as we keep working hard to listen with real attention and think hard about the changes in each other and in ourselves, then I think every gathering will leave us feeling as warm and beloved and fortunate (albeit weary) as we all do after this one.

Family takes a lot of work, but it's worth the trouble.  Nothing else offers the same rewards.